After I gave up the making of Silk Winter, I messed around a little bit with some ideas for making a very introspective film. It was going to be a feature film about a very depressed teenager. A lot of Hitchcock influences once again, from the shots to the themes and the old fashion non-sexual approach. I never got to put the ideas into a script but I had a few scenes written down.

During this time in my life I was extremely depressed and staying in my own routine (which is not very different than the majority of the phases I have been in). It was the same thing for me every day during the time I wrote this. I would wake up in the early afternoon, the sun would have been up for hours. Of course I woke up still feeling tired, and sometimes my TV would still be playing, or a CD that I had put on while waking up in the middle of the night would still be on repeat. I would check my cell phone, of course have no messages, then walk over to the bathroom and look through the blinds to see what kind of day it was, and to remind myself that I would not be greeting that world that day either, apart from going to get the mail if I saw that a package was put in by the mailman. I would proceed down to my computer and do the same routine checkups of my websites, then get into my music. A little later my sisters would start getting home from school, so I would put on my headphones, and it would stay that way until about three in the morning when I went to bed again.

That was going to be the movie, a few days in my life, until finally a suicide occurs. I only jotted down ideas for this, but gave up on the idea. The theory of a perfect suicide that I created during that time is something that I still believe in today, and use in some conversations.

SCENE I (First version)

Starting with the bottom of the bed and slowly going up and focusing, it becomes a young man. He is waking up. In the background you hear the dimed out TV or music. The man gets up and turns off the TV. He walks to the sofa chair and picks up his robe. He goes to the bathroom.

SCENE I (Second version)

Phone ringing in the morning… Yelling “Ah fuck”. Phone gets dropped on the floor, unable to reach for it. It keeps ringing. Finally the phone stops. Camera having followed the phone under the bed. Seeing feet come down from the bed.Follow feet to the door, then across the hallway, and into the bathroom, as to not see anything higher than the grey boxers. Close bathroom door. Hear the faucet being turned on. Cut straight to a zoom of a radio  as the hand presses play. Music starts.

ADDITIONAL IDEA I

Perfect suicide. Cousin of the perfect murder. Way to kill yourself perfectly planned. Like the perfect murder, it allows no mistake. Needs to be quick, painfree, easy to accomplish, no way way to live through it and die instantly. Creating perfection as you die is the perfect way to end life.

ADDITIONAL IDEA II

Rule the world. Survival of the fittest, strongest. Not help out the poor, weak, ugly and the fat. They will kill themselves because they will not be able to help themselves.